Question: How do I forgive my father who molested me, now that he is deceased?
– B. Robinson
Advice: This is difficult. Sexual abuse is a dirty secret that appears to exist in almost every ethnic, religious, and social enclave. The first question is: how are you handling what took place many years ago? An honest examination of your feelings is required. Are you still hurt by it? Has it affected your relationships with the opposite sex? Has it affected the way you feel about yourself and your body? Do you still think about it often? There are many therapeutic options for dealing with the emotional pain caused by molestation.
Forgive means: “to pardon, excuse, absolve, or exonerate.” It is easier said than done. Is that really what you want to do? If it is, then once you complete the honest examination of your feelings, you are in control.
Hurt 2 Healing can direct you to numerous resources that will aid you in dealing with and ultimately removing the pain. Thank you for having the courage to confront the issue. That is the most important first step. You might not realize it, but you are already well on your way to the goal.
-Ordinary Black Man
To submit questions to the Ordinary Black Man advice columnist, email firstname.lastname@example.org.