I actually did everything the “rules” said “not to do”, such as addressing the stalker and letting them know that you are aware. So to give my list, I can see the people at Crime Stoppers screaming, “Nooooooooo, don’t do it!” (Laughs) Anyhoo, the first thing is:
1.) Be vigilant in your surroundings once you become aware that you do have a stalker. I’d say being very tuned into things around you that change. Document those changes such as (this only applies when a stalker has gone as far as to come into your home) take notice to things moved around, missing or displaced.
2.) Inform Authorities right away. Not that it will be your saving grace, but you do want to immediately begin a paper trail and report each offense, no matter how redundant it is and no matter how much of a quack the police make you feel like when they get tired of doing all the paper work. This will actually be your saving grace should matters take a turn for the worse for you or the stalker. You’ve reported it. You’ve reported it again. You’ve expressed your fear to the authority. You have put them on notice that this is affecting your life.
3.) Invest in a recording device for your home. A security camera/monitoring system. Invest in a dash cam for your car. This also shows authorities the measures you’ve taken for your own security, so that if push comes to shove, you’ve shown that you didn’t immediately resort to violence against your stalker. Shows that you had a level head and should something arise from the situation, it was necessary.
4.) Switch up your routine: stalkers are concise- especially narcissist stalkers. When you change up your routine, you switch up theirs and confuse them. While this may cause them to become angered, and is something authorities will tell you not to do (anger them) you need to think about what’s safe for you rather than what angers them. It’s safe to switch up the routine- then switch it up again. Women, especially women living alone or alone with small children, should do this anyway, so it shouldn’t be that life altering.
5.) Be uncalculated/unpredictable: keep your stalker guessing where you are. (Only works for cyber stalking) This is a mental mind game and will tire them out. Unless they are extremely persistent, in which case they have done something online, which you can use to file charges anyway.
6.) Be a constant advocate against stalking, to let them know that you are not afraid and that you are aware of the rules. Knowledge sometimes forces the stalker to back down. Kind of like when a woman finally fights back in an abusive relationship.
7.) For me…… giving the stalker a taste of their own medicine worked. Putting them on front street and calling them out for the world to see caused them to sink back into the hole they crawled out of. Making it known to them, that I too know where they are (i.e. I know what you did last summer). This may take some time and effort, which a lot of women may not want to get into. But think about the movie The Perfect Guy. It was written for a reason, although sensualized, the concept of fighting against them may be your only option.
8.) Don’t show them fear. That’s their number one feeding source.
9.) Alert your family and friends and neighbors. They are often times home when you’re not. You just want to make sure that they know to be on the look out. They need to know the possibility of someone lurking in the neighborhood, it’s a common courtesy as well. They will appreciate it. This goes for people you work with also. Inform anyone that you’re around on a normal basis.
10.) Have a plan for safety. A plan for safety can include the buddy system. Never go anywhere or leave without letting at least one person know where you are going- how much time you should be gone and ask them to just send a little discreet text to check your whereabouts if they have not heard from you.
Your safety plan is also on the list above, which includes documentation, notes, recordings if they leave messages… etc. journal each time you’ve come in contact with the stalker.
Sometines you have to step in front of the problem, taking your life back, because all the authorities are there to do is an arrest when it is all over – but they leave you with the dirty work. I’d say the most important thing is letting EVERYONE know what’s going on- so when it comes down to interrogation- they ALLLL have your story!
Be safe. Be aware. Be empowered.
Niedria D. Kenny is an award winning writer, 7 time published author, foodie, mother, blogger, and influencer. Connect with her via social media!