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When your partner starts stalking
Over 50% of ex-partner stalking started before they left their partner (Mullen, Pathe and Purcell, 2009)
- They become demanding/controlling, they want to know who you are texting, e-mailing, what you are saying. They are suspicious, perhaps even paranoid.
- They are contacting you multiple times a day asking you to confirm where you are at – if you are at an unusual place and they seem to know – suspect that they have put some geo location software on your phone.
- They start sending aggressive, abusive or threatening texts.
- They start to contact your friends and family trying to check up on you, get information about you, or trying to damage those relationships.
- They start to spread rumors, put abusive, embarrassing comments online via social network, forums etc.
- They seem to know information that you haven’t told them or know what you do online such as websites you’ve gone to, people you’ve chatted or sent e-mails to etc – suspect spyware on your computer
- Your passwords stop working or keep changing.
- You find e-mails marked read that you haven’t read, or e-mails sent from your account you haven’t sent.
- Money starts going missing from your online bank account or goods being bought via online stores you use.
- Information is deleted such as friend’s contacts, computer files, e-mails.
When online dating turns into stalking
- They start contacting you multiple times a day.
- They are anxious to move from a dating site to private e-mail, texting, or telephone calls.
- They keep asking for personal information, where you work, where you went to school
- They agree with everything you say “as if you were soul mates”.
- They start talking about how much they like you only after a few chats.
- They seem to be too interested – too soon.
- If you block them they try contacting you using another different account.
- They keep changing their story or somehow it just doesn’t all add up. A good test is to tell a friend what he/she told you and get their response. They will be more objective.
- They become demanding/controlling wanting to know who your friends are, why you haven’t been online etc.
- They know things about you that you didn’t tell them.
- They seem to know when and where you are online. They say “I know you were online because I saw your posts” or they are always showing up in the same chatroom.
- They start adding your friends and family to their list, even though they don’t know them.
- They talk about you a lot in forums and online. Make up stories about you or describe going on imaginary dates with you.