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I write this knowing that my stalker is watching each letter as it begins the next word.
I write it without hesitation, because silence is what perpetuates their harassment. While speaking out also has its consequences, I choose to be bold and fearless. I’ve been told that I could upset them by doing so, but that they could also get pleasure out of knowing.
They are thrilled to know that you may be “paranoid”. On occasion, they even let you know that it’s them. They want you to know. From the little notes being left at your home, or on your car that you know came from them, which make reference to conversations you’ve had, all the way to the comments they make when you cross paths. They even have their friends (peons) send you encrypted social media messages to let you know they have been watching you. (This is the monster in creation) Perhaps they send you a text and tell you how great you looked last night (while out with friends, unknowingly being watched), perhaps while in public settings, they’ve rattled off something just to let you know they’ve been watching you. (Something only you would know that they are implying) These are mind games – That’s the sick part.
However, I’m not afraid nor am I intimidated. I do not live with uncertainty that if something were to happen to me today, my soul wouldn’t rest. But rather with surety in knowing that it would NOT rest, if I were to remain silent.
The Perfect Guy was written, because there’s a Sanaa Lathan on every corner. Enough was written, because that’s the point we all reach, after complaints and restraining orders are filed to no avail, against narcissistic men who can’t accept break ups or rejection. Not to mention the relentlessness in the assailants tactics, which transports their victims level of consciousness into an extremity of anxiety; where they feel forced to take matters in their own hands. Only in the movies, will you run across a Detective Hansen who decides to meet you for coffee, or a father named Jupiter.
From hiding cameras in your smoke detectors, to cameras disguised as USB’s in the house, evidence of them being in and out of your home while you’re away, watching you in your home from theirs, evidence of them collecting photos, building monuments and shrines made of keepsakes that they’ve stolen from you in the process, or have kept from a time that you once dated (or married), “setting up” (mishaps) so that they can (coincidentally) and very randomly, just happen run into you while out one day…..to placing taps and bugs on your phone, in and around your home as well as car, in addition to tracking devices and computer (email, messages, call log) hacks. All the work and skill of a stalker.
The most dangerous ones work with friends in law enforcement or people they know with criminal background in hacking systems of intelligence. Most of the time they are those in what is perceive as positions of power. All of which were considered losers or the odd guy, who never got what they wanted. Their goal: your sanity. And if they can’t have you, they don’t want anyone else to. They will sabotage relationships, marriages, friendships and so on; by running everyone off with their intolerable actions.
The stalker has to drive you to the point of isolation, which is easier to do, than you could ever imagine. If someone is with you, it’s easier for you to prove what’s being done. They have to address that: For one, when you try to explain what’s happening, for the most part, people will begin to side eye you. You begin to not want to tell anyone what’s happening. They ask: How can someone so charming ever be doing those things? Well isn’t that the million dollar question. So now you’re isolated. You should ask the 7.5 million who are stalked each year.
They even go as far as to sabotage your work and professional relationships, your credibility with business partnerships, fabricating documents and anonymously passing them on to your employment superiors or potential employers. The longer they get away with it, the more intense it gets. Feeding a beast, is the only way I can describe it. The beast continues to grow bigger and more dangerous. They feed on the ability to get away with getting to you, untouched and UN noticed by authorities. To them, this is power. To them, it’s another accomplishment, a feat to have beat a system of higher authority. They soon begin to feel immortal.
In a lot cases they will give the impression to others, that they’ve moved on. When in actuality, the next person is the cover up and could very well be their next victim, if that persons vision is cloudy. It happens right under the next woman’s nose, who’s flattered by the appearance, his charm, the illusion of money and power or in some cases, simply the assailants ability to lie without a conscious (straight faced and all) and make themselves appear to be the victim. If you listen closely to what they are saying and the amount of information they give, as well as the inconsistencies and gaps in their stories; you will hear them tell on themselves. Trust your gut! The assailant can cover up what they are doing as well as their insecurities and jealousies under the next relationship. They seek the approval, by pretending to be the victim, gaining the fan-ship of someone very naive.
One word: Heather
Why didn’t I listen to Heather? Not to what she said, but to what she was saying when she called me and accused me of “bothering” my ex (which I guess was her friend or had become her current boyfriend) all for her to be terribly humiliated when I played all of his voicemails, to prove to her that he was actually bothering me, and NOT the other way around. Even she was flabbergasted! The fact that he had her that convinced, should have been enough to convince me 6 years later, to walk away from any remains of that friendship versus choosing to marrying him. (My mistake) I take ownership. Hindsight is 20/20. All the flags were there, which is why I say trust your gut.
Fast forward: What was there in the beginning that goes unseen, unaddressed and unwarranted, only multiplies. Think of it as an infection. An untreated infection can develop into something untreatable, which could cause demise.
Furthermore, an out of control, obsessed man will jump on you, choke you, threaten to kill you, then move into stalking and bullying, and successfully turn it all around in you. That is a sick and dangerous man. When you factor in their resources that could come in the form of the unwillingness of investigating officers to properly conduct investigations, and the people who are afraid to speak up or be involved as witnesses, you have a psychopath on your hands.
Believe them when they say they can’t live without you. They usually can’t. Believe them if they say they will kill you if you leave them. They usually will, or at least try. Recognize when they show signs of depression if you were to leave. Show no sympathy. They need help that you can’t offer. Make your plan to leave. Then leave. Do not allow the obsession to grow into something that gets out of hands. Don’t accept the apology phone call to have dinner. Don’t give excessive chances. Don’t accept the ‘we can be friends’ notion, don’t accept the trips out of town, don’t accept their “just want to support you” theory, Don’t accept the gifts that arrive at your job or door step. Don’t be flattered by those things. Acceptance of those things will only show that you were re establishing a relationship, which will hurt your case when you try to prove that you’ve been harassed and stalked.
Niedria D. Kenny