Often we confuse Self Love with things that are temporal and can leave us at any moment: material possessions, love from others, a job or finances. It’s this inaccurate thought that has so many people unhappy and searching for something they already possess. Self Love is more than material things, your physical appearance, your career or your significant other. I choose to define Self Love as the following statements:
- Self Love is having the inability to inflict emotional pain on yourself by setting boundaries in all areas of your life.
- Self Love is the act of loving yourself unconditionally no matter the circumstances you are enduring.
- Self Love is the understanding that your love for your SELF is more important than anything else.
While these may seem at first glance like simple statements, I find them to be really complex for the majority of the people I meet.
Most people don’t set boundaries and actually adhere to them in all areas of their life. Where some thrive financially they lack spiritually, where some thrive professionally they lack emotionally…..Self Love is a cycle that takes consistent “checking in” with yourself and most people don’t take the time to do this yearly let alone monthly or weekly. Unconditional Love is such an endangered species and we see it in the self hate we practice or see others practice on a daily basis.
What Self Love is Not… Gossip, Bitterness, Anger, Animosity, Rage, Envy, and Hurt are all signs that there is a lack of unconditional love in the person who does any or a combination of the previously mentioned. When we stop focusing on how others are looking at us, we can then turn our attention to how we actually feel about ourselves. What Self Love is … A few weeks ago I saw a friend I had not seen or spoken to in over a year. He looked amazing and had on an outfit that looked PERFECT on him but that I had never seen him wear before. I asked him about it and he told me, “What other people think about what I like isn’t my business. I like what I wear and I’m comfortable with who I am to know what feels good on me.” While some men would be afraid to wear something because of what others would think, my friend rocked his outfit like only he could because he’s comfortable and confident in who he is and he loves himself enough to not worry about trends or what other people will think about him. That’s a perfect example of Self Love in action.
I always ask people I’m mentoring or coaching, “What if I told you that although your parents love you, a lot of what they’ve told you about loving yourself has been incorrect?” While it may take some people a while to answer me, I had to realize through my own life experiences that all the things I was taught about love where inconsistent and it showed in the actions of my parents, it showed in the way those around me conducted themselves in relationships and friendships, and I had to reintroduce myself to the concept of loving myself no matter what people thought of my abrupt speaking, my attention to detail that some call being a “perfectionist”, my low tolerance for stupidity….I learned to LOVE what I stand for and what I represent as the person I was put on this Earth to BE.
Take some time to write down your definition of Self Love. Take some time to ask yourself today, “WHO am I?” If you don’t even know how you define Self Love, how can you know for sure if you possess it? We spend so much time talking about the unreality of reality television, we spend so much time thinking about how other people maintain their happiness, we spend so much time looking to everyone else to tell us how to define Self Love, and then we look up and cannot find our own thoughts in our brains. We spend so much time consumed with others and no time with ourselves, getting to know our own likes and dislikes, learning to embrace our most wonderful attribute which is our MIND…Take some time this week to examine yourself. Take some personal inventory on your areas of lack and make a decision to focus on loving yourself in ALL areas of your life.
Dawn, The Self-Esteem Queen
“I teach people how to BE BETTER human beings. My Mission is to help you seek, say, & live the TRUTH”
Dawn is a Mentor/Coach/The Harriet Tubman of the Teen Prostitution World/Lover of the Downtrodden I AM Dawn The Self Esteem Queen™ http://www.SelfEsteemQueen.com