Self-Help SOUL

How to Heal from the Pain of Betrayal

How to Heal from the Pain of Betrayal

When, exactly, do you  arrive at forgiveness?  Is it after you have been confronted with the worst thing that can happen to you and you find yourself forgiving those who have wronged you?  In actuality, it’s never really the worst thing, and if you take that approach, you may find it easier to forgive.  Even though most of us have to be angry first, we should always find ourselves back on the path of forgiveness, because we may need that forgiving heart one day. Furthermore, this is what it takes to heal. The “Golden Rule” is doing to others as you would have them do unto you.  It’s not, doing to them what they do to you. If you hurt me, I will forgive you because if I hurt you, I want you to forgive me.

Allow me to share a story with you about a girl who was just about as fed up as she could possibly be with dating; giving her all and being loyal and committed to every relationship she found herself in. As the words in the song Love Under New Management goes, “Just as I was about to give up my hands and give up real love stepped in”, it was the feeling she had when she met her prince charming. He rode in on fire truck. She wasn’t looking for a relationship and was very content with her single life. She didn’t think anything of it at first as she cautiously allowed him to sweep her off her feet.  Eventually, she decided to let her guard completely down. They began dating and feelings developed fast, similar to puppy love but so cute.

The innocence of it all made for a real love story. He captivated her.  If something were to come of this, it was so perfect how it unfolded since neither of them was looking for each other when they had their chance meeting. One day as they were lying next to one another, he blurted out that he is “claiming this”, as if he was praying for this relationship, right in the middle of the conversation. To her that was the perfect, most godly sentiment. It was so appropriate and in line with her fate.

She asked him to elaborate and he said, “No, I don’t want to mess this up- I want it to last forever.  I want this, and I am here”. To her, for him to make such an engaging statement, it drew her closer. Right there in the moment she believed he was the one.  Those words competed with the words I LOVE YOU, as they were so much more intense. It seemed so real since he said he is claiming this.

They continued to date and shared very simple yet charming moments—such as holding hands, gazing at each other, forehead kisses, strokes of the hair, soft shoulder touches, whispers of him saying I love you, followed by “shush, you don’t have to say it back”.  These moments were intimate and so meaningful and much more than any physical contact. She met his family and was even introduced playfully as “the fiancé”. They spent more and more time together. They took a trip where he met her family and was asked by her father what his intentions were, to which he replied “to be her best friend and hopefully her husband”.

Just when it could not get any better, she became ill with the flu and who but he was right by her side. He cooked for her, made the pharmacy runs in the middle of the night, was there when she opened her eyes while in and out of a fever filled night.  He stroked her head, rubbed her aching body and told her she would be fine. He carefully administered the appropriate dosage of medication prescribed for her to get better.

Days later, when the illness passed, they get together with friends for a night on the town. Midway in to the night they departed from friends for a quiet dinner alone before meeting back up. Strange things started to happen. In conversation, their communication began to collapse. The night turned into petty arguments with no resolutions. Tempers flared and disagreements aroused out of misunderstood comments. She began to wonder what this was really all about. Is he really upset that she did not eat the calamari she ordered or was he insecure about something he did? Was he uneasy about something that his conscious would not let up on?  Without letting her assumptions about his instant change invade the issue at hand, she asked to be taken home early. That night when he dropped her off, he said, “I will see you later”. She said, goodbye”. For some reason, she knew this was goodbye.

The next day she sent him a note saying that sometimes people come into your life for a reason or a purpose and once that purpose is fulfilled they are no longer there. This does not mean they are bad people because they are no longer there, just means their purpose has been served. He responded to her that she is a breath of fresh air. That same evening, she received a voicemail from his phone. In listening to the voicemail and making out the argument on the other end of the phone, she realized that it was him and another girl. The message was clear. He was being grilled by a woman who painfully yelled out “who is this other girl… are still married to me”!! Much to her surprise, since she didn’t know he was married—she continued to listen. The most hurtful part of listening to the message was not hearing that woman ask, “What does this woman mean to you Mike”, it was hearing his answer “She means nothing”…….………

I believe the greater force was GOD taking her out of a situation that could have been much worst. Ejecting her and giving her discernment the night before, that something is not right with this situation. Again I will say, hurting and being upset initially is natural but forgiveness fixes all. Healing comes quick when you forgive. You ask yourself when will this pain stop—but have you asked yourself why can’t you forgive? Do you really think the worst that can happen, has really happened to you? What if either of these women were you? How would you feel? Could you forgive this man and move on whether it’s with or without him, whether it’s on the same path or in a separate direction?

As perfect as this situation was in the beginning—as many reasons as she would have to be upset with the outcome after

being fooled, she forgave and moved on. She’s not in love with being hurt, but she’s in love with forgiving. The feeling is so great and irreplaceable. When you can lay down at night without your heart being heavy, and you can smile and laugh at the situation of knowing that GOD fixes all things………………is when you know that your healing has begun.


Niedria Kenny @NiedriaKenny 

AKA “Freely Speaking”



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