One-On-One w/ Brother X
Ebony S. Muhammad (EM): When a man is ready to be serious in a romantic relationship, and he has never been in love before, what is his approach and overall feeling about that relationship?
Brother X (BX): I will start by speaking generally. Falling in love is something natural to human beings; it has a purpose behind it. It’s something that is taken with no hesitation. It’s similar to a child who plays; that child knows no danger. It’s a beautiful thing. They’re fearless in what they do. They jump off of anything and they play hard. So it’s the same naturally with men that experience love for the first time.
Personally speaking, the initial feeling or experience is met with excitement tapered with anxiety. It’s exciting, because for me personally growing up all relationships for me was the door the marriage. I looked forward to getting married at a very young age.
I think on that end as far as my feelings of love, being young without knowing hurt, that was my overall view on relationships. I was going to fall in love and we were going to be together until I got out of school and then after I got out of school we were going to get married.
EM: What do you think are the top 3 reasons or ways a man’s heart can be broken? What are some common mistakes women make or details women do not consider when it comes to the emotions of a man?
BX: The male ego is so large; therefore, most of what happens that directly affects a man has to do with how badly it affects the male ego. Those three mystery things:
A woman’s language that she uses, especially to a man that is insecure or new in love. This can be crushing to a man in that situation. Because of the large male ego Minister Farrakhan refers to the tongue as a sword and the female has the sharpest sword.
A mistake/mis-step that women make is being unsupportive. The nature of a man is to be one of a maintainer, a creator and of a protector. Therefore, when a man is doing those things and there is not adequate support from the number one person that he’s doing it for then the man starts to feel worthless. Once the man begins to feel worthless then that is the starting point of the death of the relationship. If you have a vehicle that needs to be maintained and the maintainer is feeling as if though what he is doing is worthless, he starts to slack in his duty, he starts to do less and eventually gets to the point where he not doing it at all then the engine will start to encounter major problems which will lead to the complete seize of the engine.
The way a man’s heart can be broken is through betrayal. Betrayal comes when there is a boundary of trust, kind of like a fence, and when a woman steps out of that boundary, to us, that is that betrayal. The betrayal can come through many forms and hurt different men at different degrees. Something small to one man might be enormous to the other man. A lot of times this is determined by childhood or previous situations or incidents that have not been cleared from the reactive mind. Therefore, regardless to what it is it has restimulated something of hurt in the man that ties back to something in his past whether he knows it or not. The bottom line is betrayal hurts men, and men don’t like to be hurt and especially don’t like for others to know that he’s hurt.
EM: What exactly happens to a man emotionally, physically and psychologically when he experiences the pain of a broken heart? What are some things most men won’t admit when it comes to the above?
BX: Emotionally, the initial pain that a man experiences when he’s hurt for the first time, I would relate it to the new student in the Dojo that gets hit in the chest really hard for the first time. From a young boy’s perspective, he wants to fall to the ground in pain because of the shock of the blow and the pain of the strike. He wants to fall down and cry, but his ego interferes with that.
Psychologically that would become what Scientology would refer to as an Engram. It is that first Engram that paves a road as it relates to love and relationships for the rest of his life unless it (the Engram) is removed. It’s not just the pain but the psychological effect that it causes.
Physically, what happens to a man or young man when he gets his heart broken for the first time, I would say that the first thing would be withdrawal because that’s what we do by nature when pain is experienced. We withdraw from it, because pain is not favorable experience for anyone. The second thing is anger demonstrated or expressed in a lot of ways. Physically, verbally or inflicted upon himself. Anxiety is also experienced.
EM: What is the recovery process like? What do men do to regain themselves and do they fully recover from a broken heart?
BX: In my humble opinion, a man’s way of recovering from a broken heart is to go rent a tracker, dig a 50 ft hole and bury the emotional hurt in the ground. Because of the male’s ego it is extremely difficult for him to face, confront and resolve his emotional hurt. That’s why it is easier for him to bury it with the hope that it won’t arise anymore. However, the reality of the situation is that the pain is still, there and while he might have thought that he buried it 50 ft below the surface a lot of times it’s like 1 or 2 feet, and all that is required to bring it back to present time is a kick of the dirt.
The final solution to mending a man’s broken heart is not the burying of the emotional pain but the dissolving of the pain. An effective way of dissolving that pain is through Dianetics. In a process called Auditing the initial hurt can be alleviated, otherwise, by not addressing it this could be the catalyst for the continuation of the emotional pain.
Through prayer, faith and Dianetics you can have a new man.
EM: Thank you for sharing so much and for giving a great deal of insight into the mind and heart of a man.
BX: No problem sis, it is an honor.